No, really -- she had like three friends at Stuy and a reputation as a raging bitch. But she was legitimately hot, without the "Stuy hot" qualifier. (Q: How many hot Stuy girls does it take to screw in a light bulb? A: Both of them! *Cue crying, and outraged protests from the slew of girls who were solid sevens*) Also, I was a huge dork and she was about 12 times out of my league at the time. That she was TCFS was just outright attractive to me. As an idea. I didn't know her at all; our paths didn't cross in class 'til senior year, when we had the same English class.
When she participated, she contributed efficiently; having to score over a plateau to get in meant everyone was intelligent to a degree, even if that only meant testing well. And our few interactions, my sweaty palms notwithstanding, were completely innocuous. Talking to her was like ... well, talking to any other classmate I didn't really know. We never got real deep, I suppose, but did get into it once about why she didn't have many friends at our high school. And she notably (with affection?) called my senior project "weird" ... which it was, being a bound, printed version of my HS-era Web site and all.
To me, she became Cool at School. I had no reason to hold her "reputation" against her, and didn't. Friends is not a word I'd delude myself into using, but we were acquaintanced, and perfectly friend-ly. That one time she opened up was likely because I simply gave her the chance.
Speed up to several weeks ago, when mid-conversation, I spouted a line I've come more and more to realize sums up the way I attack social interactions:
Everything that's happened before now is just life -- all you can do is meet someone wherever they are and move forward from there.
So much of how our lives develop involves timing: When you meet people, where you meet people, how you meet them, where they're at emotionally, where they're at in life, what they're up to and where you stand with the latter three. For these reasons, siblings don't always get along, despite being tethered by blood and proximity for the majority of the first quarter of their lives. My brother and I weren't in the right place to even talk to each other for nearly a year when I was 17. But just last night, I brought him along to chill with me and some of my peoples.
Outside that family scene, sometimes you have intense relationships that last for a short while, but impact your life more than ones that last a lifetime. Right person, right time, right connection and WHAP -- your life alters course. An example by deconstruction:
- Would I have been open to meeting people over the Internet if I wasn't this into blogging?
- Would I have gotten this into blogging if I hadn't lived in Oneonta?
- Would I have met Sierra if I hadn't done spoken word?
- Would we have become as good friends if we we didn't both get to Oneonta at the same time?
- Would I have looked into spoken word in the O if Devin, Seti and Mswati weren't so supportive before I left NY for the second time?
- Would I have gotten into spoken word and met those cats if I hadn't kept on with Rachel despite not seeing her in person for three years?
- And why were Rachel and I able to keep on like that?
So to everyone who has yet to find me, keep looking. I'm ready to meet you wherever you are, even if it means passing by. You'll help make me who I am, and for that, I owe you everything. I'm clearing the debt best I can.
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2 saw something, said something:
I agree that every interaction and relationship has some kind of value, but I would be lying if I said there weren't people I wish I hadn't met. But I try and subscribe to the idea that everythibng happens for a reason, and if nothing else I learned from the experience. Good post, have you posted any of your spoken word here?
Yeah. I definitely second yer attitude toward this. I think that's what I was trying to get at.
As for the spoken word stuff, there's a few floating around this blog, but most of my more recent stuff can be found here.
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